How to Fart in Public without Being Noticed

So how do you fart in an elevator or at a movie, or while you’re just out on a date or out with pals? Here’s a complete guide to farting in public without ever getting caught!

Seen as a dirty part of human nature, people around you react furiously when you let one rip. But fret not, we know how to make you release the wind in the willows without anybody noticing!

Let it Rip

Don’t be afraid to let it rip anywhere, anytime. Chances are if it’s in a public place with loads of people around, all heads will be turning at each other in suspicion. You must do the same. Act normal, and let the smell intoxicate the zone around you. Remember, the fart is your oyster.

Slowly release the tension, but try to let it coincide with any noises around you so you can sneak it in. No one will notice it if there are noises around. Just remember, a fart is your ass’s way of saying ‘Hi’ when you forget it’s there.

Face Off

The most important part about farting is preventing anybody from seeing you do that hard-to-avoid facial expression upon release. Instead, release it naturally, and the moment you see someone else with a disgusted face, you must express disgust, subtly. It shouldn’t be a case of you noticing the fart first. In most cases, whoever detected it, ejected it.

Firstly, wait for others around you to sniff a little. Once you see they have their faces in disgust, it’s up to you to react too. This is your cue. Slowly, screw up your face and put your index and thumb finger up to your nostrils. This will show your disgust and will instantly prove your innocence. While the others are sniffing it in, look around you, and if you have time for a second passing of air, do it, but make sure you don’t bend your knees as if you’re trying to shit it out. Just let it go easily.

Chain Reaction

Now that you’ve shown your disapproval, look around you and without pointing fingers per se, instead look at someone that looks like a farter, in disgust. The likelihood is that all others will look towards this person too. You need to be the ‘adult’ here. Lead others away from the act as if you’re a fireman on duty. Your leadership skills will be rewarded with glances of praise for your skill in dealing with the crime. At this point try not to release any more. Keep these in reserve for your next step, walking away.